IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO MAKE SENSE
How do you begin writing a blog that you’ve left dormant for 5 months…I guess you just write.
I have countless unpublished drafts of blogs I’ve written, and a part of me likes the idea of going back to them, and continuing to do this in chronological order….but I want to write what’s present for me now… which is a sense of peace with where this journey has brought me.
I have fought with myself for months. I’ve been so angry with myself, so full of regret, wishing I would have done it all differently. Wishing I’d been more strategic with my money, that I would have just settled down and made a home somewhere earlier on….a part of me always thinking, I did this all wrong, I messed it up.
But the truth is….it unfolded in just the way it was meant to. As I write this I have Peter Crone’s popular saying in the back of my mind…“what happened, happened, and coulnd’t have happened any other way because it didn’t”
I’ve said this to myself countless times trying to come to terms with where this last year and a half took me. Scratching my head at why, why did I make the decisions I did, but I’ve finally come to realize that this could never be understood by me because this entire journey wasn’t guided by the rational mind, but by my heart, an inner knowing, something beyond me yet equally deep within me calling me forward, and I vowed early on to surrender to that voice. I now see that it didn’t have to make sense, you can’t make sense of something that comes beyond conscious reasoning.
In the last few weeks, this realization and sense of peace was brewing within me, but solidified while listening to this podcast. It’s ironic that this podcast has been on my phone for 2 years…I could never get into it, yet could never fully delete it. The tiny little ah’ha’s that percolated my heart while listening to it reassured me that the messages we need will always find us when we’re ready to receive them. They arrive like little magic messengers to assure us, to inspire us, to guide us on.
His words soothed a part of me that had been looking for this validation, but more than that, I realized I’m not alone. That there are so many other brave souls out there on their own expedition, ones guided by intuition that don’t make sense, but simply FEEL right. We know our lives look different to the outside world and yet we go our own way anyway and in that process, we awaken an inner knowing in others.
I remember when I first told my mom I was leaving for Amsterdam.
My Mom “Amsterdam? Why Amsterdam?”
Me: “Because I’m being called there”. To which my Mom replied, “Whose calling?”
This moment always makes me laugh, but it sums up so well how the vast majority of the world looks at those of us that wander, that search, that seek for something we can’t quite explain. For deep down in our bones we know (and have always known)…. there’s more to life than this. We relish in the mystery, we are enchanted by nature and we ask the big questions in life, and oftentimes set forth in search of the answers.
If these words resonate with you, it’s because you too have this knowing deep within your bones; a yearning to seek for more... and I hope you do.
I hope you go out on your own path, and find your own way…to let your intuition guide you. It won’t make sense, not to you or those around you but it will fill you with an aliveness you have never known. It will beat you down and build you up, and you will become someone different in the process. You will experience magic and heartache, fear and doubt, joy and wonder… and you will create your own, big, bold, beautiful adventure. All the while never knowing the impact your actions will make on others.
You will inspire the next wave of brave ones to set off on their own journey, and this is this ripple effect we so desperately need. A generation of those led by the heart, those with the courage to follow their inner knowing beyond all logical reasoning….this is the type of awakening that excites me most.
So go, follow the call, trust yourself, and listen to your heart. It won’t make sense… it’s not supposed to. And that’s when you know…you’re on to something,
