APPRECIATE YOUR ED IN ORDER TO LET IT GO
This story is about a log. And it completely changed the way I looked at my eating disorder. I will explain...
In Dr. Anita’s Johnston’s book “Eating in the Light of the Moon” she uses myth and metaphor to help us gain a new understanding and perspective on why we may be strugglinging with food. This story and journaling exercise is something I have clients do early on in working together. And the story goes like this...
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Imagine you’re standing at the edge of a raging river, it’s pouring rain and you slip and fall in. You’re struggling to stay afloat, you’re getting pulled under by the rapids when suddenly you spot a log floating by, so you grab a hold of it and hold on for dear life.
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Eventually, it carries you downstream to calmer waters. The storm has passed and you can see the riverbank edge. You try to swim to shore but you can’t because you’re holding on to this heavy log. Ironically, the very thing that saved your life is now stopping you from getting where you want to go. It’s keeping you held back. It’s keeping you stuck.
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The worst part is, you now have people at the riverbank yelling to you “let go of the log!! Just let go!” And you feel even worse because you don’t know why you can’t.
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In what ways did your eating disorder keep you afloat?
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Can you appreciate it and see how it was only trying to save you?
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There’s more to this story and yes, you eventually make it the riverbank but why this story was so powerful for me is that I stopped hating my eating disorder and started to learn how it was keeping me alive (which is hard to wrap your head around at first). I actually remember tearing up in gratitude when I started to think about how it was only trying to love me and take care of me when I was “drowning”.
I journaled about this and also wrote my bulimia a thank you letter for all it had done to help me and I began to see it as a dear friend that stayed by my side through thick and thin (the only friend I ever really had, that knew all my secrets). Seeing my Eating Disorder in this way completely changed my approach to recovery. When I could see it with gratitude and love, it was as if I made peace with it and I understood its motives better. From that place, it becomes easier to let it go.
POEM (from “The Only Way Out) - inspired by this topic
